Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
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Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
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I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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