the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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