are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Randomize
