i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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