The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Randomize
