Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I DEMAND FORESKIN
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
