I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
