I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Randomize
