u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Randomize
