I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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