I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
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