Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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