I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
