You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
