I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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