I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
