Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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