I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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