I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
