am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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