Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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