i think i have herpe
just one?
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
