Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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