I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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