What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Randomize
