So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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