pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
