omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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