Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
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When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
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