I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
