Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Text me some of your sweat
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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