My hair reeks of homosexuality.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
