This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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