I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
