I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
