Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
