That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
