i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MIDGETS
????
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize