Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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