tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
