Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Randomize
