Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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