you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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