your room smells of hookers.
And success
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
