He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize