I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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