Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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