just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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