We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
