A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
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