She went from zero to smokin in five shots
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
that may or may not have been my penis.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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