Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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