The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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