What a fucking waste of an outfit
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Randomize
