I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
