I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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